Problem with your pastor

From time to time I get questions through my website Lutheran-resources.org concerning various aspects of church and ministry. I received a phone call this evening from someone up north of me who laid out a problem that I thought one aspect of would be worth responding to here. He described the situation to be one of conflict between their young pastor and a number of members of the congregation. It would appear that the pastor's practice is not what some members of the congregation expect. The gentleman who contacted me is an elder in the congregation and wanted some advice considering the following. These group of people upset with the pastor have begun have meetings together outside the church with the express purpose of garnering support to encourage the pastor to leave. He said that when some of these members are asked what the problem is the answer tends to be a disagreement with this paricular major church practice and other "personal issues" with the pastor. He also shared that of the members in question, some are coming to church and some are not. The majority of the members who are upset with this pastor have not met with him or talked to him nor will they air their specific grievances with him. The elder shared frustration that these members are already convinced the pastor is closed minded and does not care about them and they just want him to leave.

My advice to him was he should speak with the pastor and maybe he and the pastor should consult their circuit counselor. But I do have some advice to those out there who may feel frustrated with their pastor or upset with their pastor.

I think every pastor has had his share of people in the parish who were not pleased with something about his ministry. After all pastors are not perfect and we make our share of mistakes. We make judgment calls which with 20/20 hindsight we might now do differently. Sometimes we are all too human. At this point I think Matthew 18 has some serious applications. Our Lord instructed us that when we have a problem with someone we should go talk to them in an effort to resolve it. If it is not resolvable at that level, then we take an elder or other official to speak with the person again to resolve the issue. I would suggest that any action to just get someone out or that does not involve speaking with the pastor to try to resolve the issue is likely not God-pleasing. The goal in Matthew 18 for Jesus was to "win the brother". If one's goal is different in dealing with problems in the church, whether the pastor or someone else, I think the course of action should be reconsidered in careful prayer. I truly believe that many problems between pastors and parishioners could be more easily settled if the parishioner would talk with the pastor rather than clam up, leave, or utilize the gossip vine to attack the pastor's reputation or motives.

Perhaps it is difficult to share with a pastor that one has a problem with something he has done. Maybe the pastor has made a mistake and needs to have it pointed out so that he can repent, ask for forgiveness, and learn from the mistake. But perhaps the pastor is doing what he is supposed to do. I have seen parish boards who considered the pastor to work for them and wanted to manage his every action. I have always reminded my church councils and boards that the pastor and the members labor for the Lord together. Our accountability is not just to one another, but to Him. Sometimes a pastor's pastoral care is determined not by his experience or even his preferences but by the command of God in Scripture. Pastors are described by Scripture as stewards of the mysteries of God and that they will one day be called to give an account of that stewardship. If you disagree with a pastor's practice which is a reflection of doctrine, this is most certainly a time to talk to him. But in these matters, God's Word must have the final word. Could the pastor be wrong? Sure. Any pastor worth his salt will also confess that God's Word must have the final word and if his practice is demonstrated to be in error, will be willing to change it. But the pastor could also be right. In fact, in matters of doctrine and practice derived from doctrine, the pastor should have the theological training to make the correct decisions, especially concerning major practices of the church.

What about "personal issues" with the pastor? If this is lingo for "private issues" which one plans to use to justify either not coming to church or taking inappropriate action to force a pastor to move on, the I would suggest that issues, whether "personal issues" or "private issues" should be reconsidered in light of Matthew 18. Here personal does not justify secret, private or behind the scenes political maneuverings. Secret political maneuverings behind the scene to destroy the reputation of an individual or a pastor's ministry in a place or even a church leaders ministry do not testify well to the light that Christians are supposed to be in the world. The goal is "to win the brother". Only when every last effort to win the brother has been exhausted and it is clearly provable from God's Word that the brother is in error, can he be treated as a tax collector and shunned. It seems to me the shunning comes way to early in too many cases, cases that could be resolved for the good of all and the growth of church and kingdom, but in the end wind up only causing hurt and discontent because "personal issues" was lingo for "private issues" and I don't want to consider the pastor could be right and I could be wrong. True the pastor could be wrong. Any pastor worth his salt will be willing to examine his practice and beliefs in light of God's Word and be willing to admit it if he is wrong. Actually, any Christian, worth his or her salt should be willing to do the same. If the pastor is correctly interpreting and applying God's Word, he must not deviate and he must teach, with the same goal in mind -- win the brother.

One more thing I would note, as this particular dispute that set me to ruminating was concerning a major church practice. If the pastor is practicing in such a way that he is in line with the expectations of his wider church community, his faith tradition, or his church body of which the congregation is a part, is it truly honorable or a position of integrity to expect the pastor to practice something other -- to pretend to honor a common expectation but to practice something else even if it might be more popular or less offensive. Sometimes standing for something, especially the truth of God's Word, can be isolating and unpopular, especially in a fallen unChristian world. Maybe the church body is wrong. Truth must always win out. But in all things there should be genuiness. Integrity. If you have a problem with a pastor's practice -- tell him. Learn why he does it and share with him why you disagree. Maybe one or both of you will learn something. But don't pretend to want to win your brother when you really just want your own way. Don't pretend concern when it is lacking. Don't justify worldly behavior that seeks only to serve oneself with "personal issues". And don't expect your pastor to just pay lip service to his vows, his allegiance to God's Word, or to his conscience. Do trust, that if he cares enough to dedicate his life to the long course of education to prepare for the ministry and to make the sacrifices necessary for the ministry, that he will care enough to listen and explain why, and if he finds he is wrong, to change. To clam up, leave, and or maneuver to isolate the man does not honor what the church should be. To communicate, to seek understanding, to humble oneself before the truth of God's Word, this does honor to the Church and to its Lord.

So in a nutshell -- if you have a problem with your pastor -- talk to the man. Don't shut him out. Don't lock it up inside and certainly don't use your problem to justify sinful and destructive behavior. Be genuine. Don't pretend as if there is no problem on one hand and work against him on the other. Certainly don't restort to gossip or secret meetings with the purpose to utilize surprise and power politics and pretend you are doing the Lord's work. Do talk and seek mutual understanding. And if you and your pastor need some help resolving the issue then seek out assistance. In the case of the LCMS, I have utilized my circuit counselor and even my District President to help resolve issues, especially big ones that relate to a church's major practices. Finally, the more certain you are that you are right, the more you should be willing to listen. Maybe you are missing something. Maybe your pastor knows what he is about. Maybe you are the one who is in error. Or maybe you both are. The goal in the end is faithfulness to the Word of Life and to be sure we are all won by the Holy Spirit to the truth that is found in Christ Jesus. This is truly the win / win situation.

In the worst case scenario, where you just can't see eye to eye, be a person of honor and integrity. If the pastor is faithfully reflecting the church or denomination he belongs to, respect that. If you don't agree with those positions, then don't pretend to be what you are not and seek to gain control of that congregation to force your will upon it. Have more honor than that. If you truly don't support your church's position, then admit that and decide if you can live with it or not. If not, don't seek to turn to turn the church into something that gives lip service to its identity. Maybe for the peace of your own conscience you will have to seek out another church home. That is certainly more honorable than secret meetings, gossip, emails, phone calls, and so forth to push out a pastor who is faithfully ministering according to his vows. If the pastor is out of line, and a personal confrontation is not sufficient to change his practice, then his ecclesiastical supervisor will deal with it -- and this is Matthew 18. If his supervisor and the doctrines and practices of the church at large support his practice -- then I believe the only honorable thing to do, if one truly cannot support that practice in good conscience, is to join another congregation that does practice in line with your conscience. However, one should do his or her homework first, that is only after being convinced by God's Word. You could be wrong. The pastor could be wrong. The whole denomination could be wrong. But the Word is never wrong.

Recommended reading: "Clergy Killers"

(reprinted from my blog "Shepherd's Ponderings")